When things start to go downhill in a relationship or marriage, it can be hard to figure out what to do. Maybe one or both of you are tired of fighting and have decided it’s time to make “the big move” and give couples therapy a try. It can be hard to imagine what it will look like. Will this process last forever? Do we really need couples therapy? What’s going to happen in this couples counseling session when we have our first appointment?
While it may feel intimidating at first, working with a couples therapist can be one of the most beneficial things you can do for your relationship.
This article will look at some of the most common reasons why couples turn to therapy, how a couples therapist can help, different approaches and types of therapy, and other valuable information about couples counseling.
The first question on some people’s minds is: why do couples seek counseling?
The reasons why a couple will consult a therapist can be as varied as the individuals themselves. However, there are a few common reasons as to why couples decide to seek couples counseling:
- There’s withdrawal, criticism, or contempt in day-to-day interactions.
- Reoccurring arguments or difficulty communicating.
- There’s a general lack of intimacy between partners or difficulties around sex.
- Experiencing significant stressors such as infidelity, addiction, or financial strains.
- Dissatisfaction with your partnership considering a breakup.
- Feeling stuck or incapable of making a tough decision.
- You want a stronger relationship.
Remember, there are no wrong reasons to seek couples counseling. Some people seek counseling as soon as they get married, even without apparent problems, to prevent severe ones from developing. At the core, couples counseling is about helping you get unstuck from painful dynamics that keep getting repeated.
Keep in mind the average couple waits six years before seeking therapy. The longer couples wait, the more challenging it becomes to resolve any issues. It is therefore essential to acknowledge problems early and seek therapy as soon as possible.
What qualifies someone to be a couples counselor?
Although training and professional licensure requirements can vary widely, therapists who work with couples must have advanced degrees in their field and extensive hands-on experience working with couples.
How can a couples therapist help?
A couple’s therapist can help you find a road map for navigating your relationship issues and difficulties. Your therapist takes the time to understand your and your partner’s needs and will work at a comfortable pace for both of you.
Your therapist can help you:
- Identify personal communication styles. A trained couples counselor can help you and your partner examine communication strategies to determine whether each partner’s style appropriately conveys thoughts, goals, and needs.
- Guide you and your partner in setting goals. As you express your concerns, your therapist will listen for areas of commonality. Once you pinpoint the root of the issue, you can then develop and tackle goals with your partner. Remember that your goals will likely change as you progress through the therapy.
- Identify personal and relationship strengths. When you and your partner are aware of what you each bring to the relationship, it will be easier to build a foundation for open communication.
- Learn new skills to improve your relationship. Some of the fundamental skills in a healthy relationship include communication skills, forgiveness, maintaining trust, and stress management. Most couples have used most of these skills at the beginning of their relationship, and therapy sessions are good reminders of their use and how they can improve your relationship.
One of the most helpful, yet underrated things about couples counseling is that your therapist will remain neutral throughout the process. A couples therapist or counselor will never take sides. Instead of blaming problems on your partner, they’ll show you how both partners contribute equally to conflict. In a safe and supportive environment, you and your partner will be able to share and say the things you’ve always wanted to.
What to expect
The first few sessions will focus on learning about your past experiences and what problems brought you to counseling. Prepare to answer questions about your family background, childhood experiences, and current relationships. In addition to speaking with both of you, your therapist may also want to talk to each of you separately.
It may be reassuring to ask your counselor what you should expect before starting treatment, such as any particular tools or approaches they utilize. Some of the most common therapeutic modalities in couples therapy include:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy(CBT): This approach can help you identify and change misguided thinking patterns that could be contributing to problems in your relationship. CBT offers an environment in which both partners can comfortably find solutions and understand each other better to build a better relationship.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Emotionally focused therapy is based on how we feel in our relationships is influenced by how we act. EFT is a time-limited, goal-focused therapy that focuses on past experiences related to the present problems. EFT is appropriate when a relationship feels stuck, and couples need more effective communication strategies.
- The Gottman Method is one of the most popular, personalized approaches to couples therapy. In the beginning, it involves individual and combined therapy sessions, as well as questionnaires that help you judge the status of your relationship. You and your partner will then decide upon which frequency of therapy appointments works best for you. Once you have established the therapeutic framework ( your therapy schedule and plan), you will begin therapeutic interventions to help address your relationship’s problem areas. These interventions are designed to improve friendship, deepen emotional connection, and create changes that make it possible for couples to work together.
Taking the first step
Bringing issues to the surface isn’t always easy. The good news is that there are effective ways to make changes in your life and your relationship when you want to. Talking to someone can provide insight into what’s going well, what needs attention, and strengthen your relationship’s quality overall.
References
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/emotionally-focused-therapy
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